Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Even When I Sleep, I Can't Rest

The longer I am pregnant (and make no mistake, I feel like I have been pregnant for a LONG time), the more convinced I am that hormones can cause just about any symptom in the book.

Headaches? Yep.
Moodiness? Um, yes. (Just ask James. Nevermind, don't.)
Strange appetite changes? You betcha.
Weight fluctuation? Absolutely.
Sleep disturbances? YES.

I have always had very vivid, disturbing, convoluted dreams when pregnant, starting at about 6 weeks. Most of the dreams are just bizarre without really being scary or stressful.

Last night's dream was definitely scary. Definitely stressful. Definitely capable of getting my emotions riled up in a huge way.

My dream took place in the future, maybe 4 or 5 years from now. I was a widow; James had died suddenly about 8 months before. I don't know the circumstances of his death, just that he had died and I was a single mom. After 8 months, we had started to find a "new normal" place from which to operate, and our little family was settling into some sort of routine.

But then I was diagnosed with some kind of terminal cancer. The plans were for surgery & aggressive treatment, but even then I would most likely die within a few months.

The dream involved me explaining that to the kids. I had to tell my children that Mommy was very sick, and that we were going to pray hard, and do whatever the doctors told us to do, but most likely, Mommy was going to die soon.

It was not a good dream.

It took a lot of praying, some snuggling with James, and reading of a totally unrelated work of fiction to calm myself down enough to get back to sleep.

I'll be glad when this baby comes.

4 comments:

Allie said...

Oh! What an awful dream! Sending good thoughts for good sleep!

Nichole said...

What a horrible dream!

CB said...

I am so sorry, that is a terrible dream! I had some horrible dreams when I was pregnant too...so vivid!Hope they get better, I don't think the vividness stopped until Collin was about 6 months or so.

Kat said...

What a horrible dream! I hate those dreams that are so scary, so vivid that you can't shake them. How awful.

Kat