Conspiracy

This conversation must have taken place before bedtime last night.

Wendy: David, I know we've been trying to keep Mama from sleeping, but it's been tricky. Maybe if we work together we can do it!

David: That sounds good; what do you have in mind?

Wendy: Well, I'll take the first shift. I'll stay awake until 11 p.m., then I'll make Mama and Daddy think that I've settled and gone to bed. Then after awhile, once Mama is finally asleep, I'll make my move!

David: So far so good...tell me more!

Wendy: I'm thinking that I'll get up about every five minutes between 1 a.m. and 2:30 a.m. I'll weep and whine, with some wailing thrown in for good measure. I've got all sorts of things I can complain about: it's too dark. I'm all alone in here. I have to potty. No, I don't have to potty!! I'm thirsty. I had a bad dream. I'm scared of the dark when I'm all alone. I want to sleep wif you. I need a tissue! Mama, MAMA...

David: Wow, you're good at this! Okay, you'll be up until 2:30 a.m....how about we let Mama get back to sleep, and I'll take over at 3 a.m.? I'll do what I'm best at: cry/screech/scream unless Mama is holding me. I won't let her know what is wrong. I won't be placated by my Blankie or a book or rocking. I will SCREAM and SCREAM and SCREEEEAAAAAM.

Wendy: Good idea! Nobody screams like you, that's for sure!

David: Once I've calmed down, I'll let Mama think the worst has passed...until she puts me back in my bed! Then I'll scream and screech some more until she thinks she's going to spend the rest of the night sitting on the floor by my crib, patting my belly and shushing me.

Wendy: But won't that put you to sleep?

David: Well, yeah, it will. But keeping Mama up until 4 a.m. is pretty good, don't you think? And we can always wake up again at 6:30 a.m., ready for another day of wrestling/bickering/whining.

Wendy: Okay, it's a plan! What's gonna work? TEAMWORK!

David: *evil chuckle*