In March of 2006 I became a homemaker, and in September of 2006 I became a stay-at-home mom. In all of that time, I have never - not once - felt like I was doing a good job. Sure, I enjoy what I do. Sure, I occasionally get one or two areas of life on track.
But I have never felt like I was living up to my "contract." There are many excuses I could make - depression, sleep-deprivation, health problems - but those things are just parts of life that I need to cope with right now. I need to push past the problems and get things done.
"Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving." Colossians 2:23-24
Here are some specific areas I'll be working on this year:
1. Personal study and prayer time
2. Be a more supportive & loving wife
3. Interact more with my children
4. Less computer time
5. Daily exercise
6. Start healthy eating habits
7. Keep a cleaner house
I see 2010 as full of possibility and hope. I want to focus on my job this year, and start living for someone other than myself. I hope that you will be able to see evidence of growth and change in my blog throughout the year.
Please pray for me, that I will have His strength and peace as I try to get things right. And please stop by and encourage me whenever you can - I could use the support!
Happy New Year!
Showing posts with label Bible study. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Bible study. Show all posts
Monday, January 4, 2010
Thursday, February 5, 2009
Auto-Focus
You may have noticed from the tone & frequency of my posts that I'm feeling much better. I still have days when the nausea returns, or the exhaustion reaches a level I just can't work through, but in general, I feel roughly 500% better than I did even two short months ago. And I've come to realize that illness (and hormones) make me a very self-centered, self-absorbed, self-focused person.
While I think that's understandable given the situation and the extent of physical discomfort & despair I was in, that time has passed. It's time to move on.
There are times in life when it seems like God is trying to tell me something. Not like actual verbal instructions (although I think that would be terrifying & also quite nice), but more of an urging in a certain direction. It often manifests in a repeating idea that comes through conversations with others, Bible class topics, sermons, even music & whatever books I happen to be reading.
Right now, I think God is reminding me that I am to be a servant. My job, in His kingdom and in real life, is to serve others. That means I need to be serving James and serving my family, instead of constantly sitting back & letting others serve me. As I said, there is a time for that, and that time has passed.
It's going to take effort. It's going to take constant reminders to not slip back into auto-focus - that typical self-centered way of thinking.
Philippians 2:5-7 (NIV)
Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus: who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness.
While I think that's understandable given the situation and the extent of physical discomfort & despair I was in, that time has passed. It's time to move on.
There are times in life when it seems like God is trying to tell me something. Not like actual verbal instructions (although I think that would be terrifying & also quite nice), but more of an urging in a certain direction. It often manifests in a repeating idea that comes through conversations with others, Bible class topics, sermons, even music & whatever books I happen to be reading.
Right now, I think God is reminding me that I am to be a servant. My job, in His kingdom and in real life, is to serve others. That means I need to be serving James and serving my family, instead of constantly sitting back & letting others serve me. As I said, there is a time for that, and that time has passed.
It's going to take effort. It's going to take constant reminders to not slip back into auto-focus - that typical self-centered way of thinking.
Philippians 2:5-7 (NIV)
Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus: who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness.
Monday, October 6, 2008
Take Heart
My life thus far has been pretty unsettled. I was raised in a military family, and moving every few years keeps you from really putting down roots anywhere you live. I went to college, got married, and continued a somewhat nomadic life; James and I have moved six times in our ten-year marriage. Throw in a DVM degree, a hectic job, a baby, a complete career change, and another baby on the way, and you've got a recipe for anxiety, sleepless nights, and worry.
I am a worrier by nature; I remember being very young, and very worried about things. Like most worriers, I also tend to internalize my concerns and the emotions that go along with them, which only serves to make things that much worse. We talked in our Care Group on Sunday night about a possible cause and effect that happens when we fully trust God. We were specifically discussing Matthew 6:33-34:
"But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."
If we really seek God's kingdom and his righteousness first, what can we possibly have to worry about? We know that God is fully aware of our situation, however complicated or frightening it might seem. We also know - we know, deep down - that He is in control. No matter what happens, even if the worst things we can imagine actually happen, God is still in control. It will all work out how He has planned it in the end.
I came across a verse recently that really clicked for me. I'm sure I've read it a hundred times, but now it just jumps out at me. I've made it my theme for this blog, to share with you and to remind myself that God is in charge. In this verse, Jesus is talking to his disciples about things that would soon take place - his arrest, crucifixion, resurrection, and return to heaven. The disciples didn't understand what he was talking about, and they began to get restless and worried. John 16:33:
I am a worrier by nature; I remember being very young, and very worried about things. Like most worriers, I also tend to internalize my concerns and the emotions that go along with them, which only serves to make things that much worse. We talked in our Care Group on Sunday night about a possible cause and effect that happens when we fully trust God. We were specifically discussing Matthew 6:33-34:
"But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."
If we really seek God's kingdom and his righteousness first, what can we possibly have to worry about? We know that God is fully aware of our situation, however complicated or frightening it might seem. We also know - we know, deep down - that He is in control. No matter what happens, even if the worst things we can imagine actually happen, God is still in control. It will all work out how He has planned it in the end.
I came across a verse recently that really clicked for me. I'm sure I've read it a hundred times, but now it just jumps out at me. I've made it my theme for this blog, to share with you and to remind myself that God is in charge. In this verse, Jesus is talking to his disciples about things that would soon take place - his arrest, crucifixion, resurrection, and return to heaven. The disciples didn't understand what he was talking about, and they began to get restless and worried. John 16:33:
"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."
Take heart! Our God has overcome the world. What more do you need to know than that?
Sunday, May 18, 2008
Sunday Thoughts
I really don't have much in the way of a coherent blog post for today, so I thought I'd give you an outline of some random thoughts.
1. Today was the first session in Stepping Up, by Beth Moore, in our ladies' Bible class. We didn't quite get through the first video due to technical difficulties, but I can tell this is going to be a great study.
2. I need to find a Kinko's or other place that will take my member book for the Bible study & make it spiral-bound. I saw that suggestion on Joanne's blog, and I think it'll work really well for the close quarters in our ladies' class.
3. I've gotten stuck in my Believing God study. Again. Now that we're past the yard sale, family visiting, and other distractions, I'm planning to reinstate my daily quiet time. I get really frustrated with myself, because this is a GREAT study, and has really touched me, and yet I can't quite get the routine down.
4. I committed to raising funds for my friends' baby-on-the-way's diaper stash. So far I've raised roughly $0.00. It's disappointing. One of my goals this week is to draft a fund-raising letter to go out to our friends & family throughout the country - I hope some of them will be able to contribute to little EA's diaper stash. (If you want to contribute, please e-mail me!!)
5. Wendy's vocabulary is really taking off. But, in the spirit of toddlerhood, she's also started squealing to show her displeasure. You know the toddler squeal - even if you don't have kids, you've heard it in restaurants & grocery stores. It's loud, extremely high pitched, and will make your eardrums bleed in you're in close proximity. Since that's not an acceptable way of self-expression in the Allen Family Circus, whenever Wendy makes that squeal, she gets a quick swat on the thigh, and she stops. I hope this phase doesn't last very long.
6. I have entirely too many cats in my house. Period. The End. Matilda and her 4 kittens are still living in our bathroom, until the kittens all have homes. Two are spoken for, so we just have two to go! Yay!
7. I completely changed my idea of what I wanted to do with the exterior of our house based on a photo I saw in Country Living magazine. The house in the picture was almost exactly like ours, and it was redone in a way I never would've thought of - and it looks great! I can't wait to fix our house up!
8. I'm still a member of the Single Line Club. Sigh. One good thing about the delay in our being able to conceive is that Wendy will most likely be potty-trained when #2 eventually comes along. I assumed we'd have babies close together, and would just have to deal with 2 in diapers at the same time, but this way will be much easier.
This post is already far too long - and so, if you're still reading, I'll put an end to your boredom. See what happens when a head full of random thoughts has access to a keyboard?
1. Today was the first session in Stepping Up, by Beth Moore, in our ladies' Bible class. We didn't quite get through the first video due to technical difficulties, but I can tell this is going to be a great study.
2. I need to find a Kinko's or other place that will take my member book for the Bible study & make it spiral-bound. I saw that suggestion on Joanne's blog, and I think it'll work really well for the close quarters in our ladies' class.
3. I've gotten stuck in my Believing God study. Again. Now that we're past the yard sale, family visiting, and other distractions, I'm planning to reinstate my daily quiet time. I get really frustrated with myself, because this is a GREAT study, and has really touched me, and yet I can't quite get the routine down.
4. I committed to raising funds for my friends' baby-on-the-way's diaper stash. So far I've raised roughly $0.00. It's disappointing. One of my goals this week is to draft a fund-raising letter to go out to our friends & family throughout the country - I hope some of them will be able to contribute to little EA's diaper stash. (If you want to contribute, please e-mail me!!)
5. Wendy's vocabulary is really taking off. But, in the spirit of toddlerhood, she's also started squealing to show her displeasure. You know the toddler squeal - even if you don't have kids, you've heard it in restaurants & grocery stores. It's loud, extremely high pitched, and will make your eardrums bleed in you're in close proximity. Since that's not an acceptable way of self-expression in the Allen Family Circus, whenever Wendy makes that squeal, she gets a quick swat on the thigh, and she stops. I hope this phase doesn't last very long.
6. I have entirely too many cats in my house. Period. The End. Matilda and her 4 kittens are still living in our bathroom, until the kittens all have homes. Two are spoken for, so we just have two to go! Yay!
7. I completely changed my idea of what I wanted to do with the exterior of our house based on a photo I saw in Country Living magazine. The house in the picture was almost exactly like ours, and it was redone in a way I never would've thought of - and it looks great! I can't wait to fix our house up!
8. I'm still a member of the Single Line Club. Sigh. One good thing about the delay in our being able to conceive is that Wendy will most likely be potty-trained when #2 eventually comes along. I assumed we'd have babies close together, and would just have to deal with 2 in diapers at the same time, but this way will be much easier.
This post is already far too long - and so, if you're still reading, I'll put an end to your boredom. See what happens when a head full of random thoughts has access to a keyboard?
Sunday, March 2, 2008
Attitude Adjustment
Maybe my mother is the only one on the planet to use this particular slang. I remember when I was young and acting bratty (hard to believe, I know, but it did happen once or twice) my mom would get a certain look on her face and ask me, "Do you need an attitude adjustment?" I knew what that meant - a spanking. And so I would immediately change whatever it was I was doing to make her upset. Or I'd at least leave take my wildness to my room or the backyard, where I wasn't in danger of spanking.
The phrase "attitude adjustment" has a little bit of a different meaning to me now. It's what I have to do to myself on certain days to get back on track and stay there.
This morning was one of those mornings. I woke up with female things going on, associated pain, a headache, nothing to wear, and too much to do to get ready for church. Then, as is the course of events in most everyone's life, Satan took my weakness and tried to exploit it, reminding me of some past sins, disappointments, and failures. (It's so strange when it comes out of the blue like that - you're just going on with your daily life, and BAM! There's your ugly former life, thrown right in your face, with no warning.)
To top it all off, I checked my e-mail and found out my best friend is pregnant. Now, this is terrific news - I mean, absolutely, positively, miracle-of-God kind of news. See, my friend, who is doing some behind-the-scenes missionary work in China, has a brain tumor. It's not growing, but it interferes with her natural body rhythms. She was told she would never ever get pregnant, then the next year had a baby. That baby is 6 1/2 now, and they've so wanted to add another baby to their family, to have a new little one to love, and give their daughter a sibling.
And me, with my attitude problem? I had a hard time being happy when I first learned the news. You see, we've been trying for another baby for a while. Not a long while, only about 6 months. It's taken me by surprise that it didn't happen right away, because we got pregnant with Wendy just about when we decided to try. In the 6 months we've been trying, it seems like there's been a population explosion all around us - just about all of our friends & relatives of childbearing age are either pregnant or have a newborn. And all of Wendy's outgrown clothes wait in boxes, and my body is empty...
Anyway, I share that not to plead for sympathy, but to tell you where my bad attitude was leading. How could I not be happy for my friend, who had yearned for another baby for so long, with no hope in sight? I spent some time in prayer on the way to church, and in Bible class.
I could feel God soften my heart. He also opened my ears, so that I could listen to the other women in the class talking about how hard it is to wait on the Lord, how difficult it is to cope when we feel our prayers aren't being answered, and how we all struggle every day to make a decision to give our burdens to Him.
The main message I got from class today? I am not alone. I may feel like I'm the only one with struggles, but I'm not. I may feel alone in my despair, but I am not. We all, as humans, as Christians, as women, go through many of the same battles.
And with God's help, we make it through.
He gives us patience when we feel we have none.
He gives us endurance when we just can't do it anymore.
He gives us empathy when we are selfish.
He gives us hope of eternal life with Him through Jesus.
And what more can I really want than that?
That's a pretty effective attitude adjustment.
The phrase "attitude adjustment" has a little bit of a different meaning to me now. It's what I have to do to myself on certain days to get back on track and stay there.
This morning was one of those mornings. I woke up with female things going on, associated pain, a headache, nothing to wear, and too much to do to get ready for church. Then, as is the course of events in most everyone's life, Satan took my weakness and tried to exploit it, reminding me of some past sins, disappointments, and failures. (It's so strange when it comes out of the blue like that - you're just going on with your daily life, and BAM! There's your ugly former life, thrown right in your face, with no warning.)
To top it all off, I checked my e-mail and found out my best friend is pregnant. Now, this is terrific news - I mean, absolutely, positively, miracle-of-God kind of news. See, my friend, who is doing some behind-the-scenes missionary work in China, has a brain tumor. It's not growing, but it interferes with her natural body rhythms. She was told she would never ever get pregnant, then the next year had a baby. That baby is 6 1/2 now, and they've so wanted to add another baby to their family, to have a new little one to love, and give their daughter a sibling.
And me, with my attitude problem? I had a hard time being happy when I first learned the news. You see, we've been trying for another baby for a while. Not a long while, only about 6 months. It's taken me by surprise that it didn't happen right away, because we got pregnant with Wendy just about when we decided to try. In the 6 months we've been trying, it seems like there's been a population explosion all around us - just about all of our friends & relatives of childbearing age are either pregnant or have a newborn. And all of Wendy's outgrown clothes wait in boxes, and my body is empty...
Anyway, I share that not to plead for sympathy, but to tell you where my bad attitude was leading. How could I not be happy for my friend, who had yearned for another baby for so long, with no hope in sight? I spent some time in prayer on the way to church, and in Bible class.
I could feel God soften my heart. He also opened my ears, so that I could listen to the other women in the class talking about how hard it is to wait on the Lord, how difficult it is to cope when we feel our prayers aren't being answered, and how we all struggle every day to make a decision to give our burdens to Him.
The main message I got from class today? I am not alone. I may feel like I'm the only one with struggles, but I'm not. I may feel alone in my despair, but I am not. We all, as humans, as Christians, as women, go through many of the same battles.
And with God's help, we make it through.
He gives us patience when we feel we have none.
He gives us endurance when we just can't do it anymore.
He gives us empathy when we are selfish.
He gives us hope of eternal life with Him through Jesus.
And what more can I really want than that?
That's a pretty effective attitude adjustment.
Friday, February 29, 2008
My Biggest Hurdle
I've been doing a Bible study online lately. (Thanks, Holly!) It's Beth Moore's Believing God series. I'm only a week and a half into the study, and I'm amazed at what God has changed in my heart and in my life. I can see Him working more and more day by day. Today I was even inspired to laugh and thank Him outloud for the blessing of a very close parking spot close to the entrance to Wal-Mart - it was pouring rain!
(If any of you are looking for a good study, or are having struggles with your faith, or are looking to grow, or just love Beth Moore, I highly recommend this study - click on the link above for more information.)
I've come to realize that one of the biggest hurdles I will have to overcome in my struggle to trust God more is dealing with the wait-and-see's of life. The times when I know that God has a specific purpose for what is happening in my life...but I can't see what it is. The times when I know what I'm supposed to do...but I'm not sure where to start. The times when I feel like there's more to the story...and I have to wait for the answers.
Patience has never been my forte. Ever. That can be excused in a child, to a certain extent, but you know what? As an adult, I'm still very impatient. Nothing frustrates me more than to be behind someone driving 43 mph in a 45 mph zone. I love Christmas, but the anticipation it all drives me batty. I think I was pregnant with Wendy for about 27 months. That's what it felt like anyway. (I wonder if this could be why my girlie is so impatient? Nah...)
As I'm learning more about God, and more about myself, and learning how to believe God instead of just believing in God, my impatience is definitely rearing its ugly head. There are some things up in the air right now, with finances, living situations, family planning, etc. James and I are working together to figure stuff out, but once you do all you can, you simply have to sit back and...wait.
And as I type that, and admit to you the struggles that I have with waiting, I can feel God's peace gently settle over me.
And so, there is hope. I will make it through the waiting. And it will be worth it.
Isn't our God fantastic?
I'll leave you with a little music from my boys:
(If any of you are looking for a good study, or are having struggles with your faith, or are looking to grow, or just love Beth Moore, I highly recommend this study - click on the link above for more information.)
I've come to realize that one of the biggest hurdles I will have to overcome in my struggle to trust God more is dealing with the wait-and-see's of life. The times when I know that God has a specific purpose for what is happening in my life...but I can't see what it is. The times when I know what I'm supposed to do...but I'm not sure where to start. The times when I feel like there's more to the story...and I have to wait for the answers.
Patience has never been my forte. Ever. That can be excused in a child, to a certain extent, but you know what? As an adult, I'm still very impatient. Nothing frustrates me more than to be behind someone driving 43 mph in a 45 mph zone. I love Christmas, but the anticipation it all drives me batty. I think I was pregnant with Wendy for about 27 months. That's what it felt like anyway. (I wonder if this could be why my girlie is so impatient? Nah...)
As I'm learning more about God, and more about myself, and learning how to believe God instead of just believing in God, my impatience is definitely rearing its ugly head. There are some things up in the air right now, with finances, living situations, family planning, etc. James and I are working together to figure stuff out, but once you do all you can, you simply have to sit back and...wait.
And as I type that, and admit to you the struggles that I have with waiting, I can feel God's peace gently settle over me.
And so, there is hope. I will make it through the waiting. And it will be worth it.
Isn't our God fantastic?
I'll leave you with a little music from my boys:
Monday, February 11, 2008
God Our Father
*I apologize in advance that this is kinda long. It's been rattling around in my head for awhile, and I was called to write it down for you this evening.*
This evening Wendy was trying our patience. She has fully entered toddlerhood, and, during the waking hours, is never still for more than a few seconds at a time. Instead, she is constantly climbing, dancing, falling, stomping, climbing more, throwing, giggling, and running. This has complicated our evening Bible reading. Gone are the days of rocking her while she drowsily drinks the last bottle of the day, her Daddy's deep voice filling her ears with the word of God. No, now we just try to keep her in the same room with us during our reading.
Tonight our reading was interrupted twice because Wendy is fascinated with cups of water. She climbed up onto the couch and grabbed my cup of water, sitting on the end table beside the couch. (In her defense, I was using a Veggie Tales cup.) Lacking the motor control necessary for the task, she tried to take a sip, and instead doused herself, the couch, the end table, and the Kleenex box on the end table. This resulted in tears, a gentle scolding, an explanation of why we don't grab Mommy's cup, and a resumption of the reading.
Not two minutes later, her little hand shot out, grabbed the cup again, and instantly upended it, narrowly missing the digital camera and cell phone I hadn't yet put away. The look on her face was one of shock. The tears were almost instantaneous. And as I reached for her to give her a swat on the bottom and a not-so-gentle scolding, I said, "Why do you have to make things so difficult?"
Indeed.
I have said that to her before, and every time, it makes me think of God, our Father, watching the things we do. He has given us guidelines, blessed our lives with material things, and granted us the pleasure and support of family and friends. I know that there are truly difficult decisions in all of our lives that must be dealt with, but the majority of the decisions are pretty simple. We either do the right thing, or we don't. We either abstain, or we do the wrong thing. That's pretty basic stuff.
When I said that to Wendy, and imagined God saying it to me, over and over every day, I was reminded of Hosea 11. I was fortunate enought to take a Bible class at Harding entitled, "8th Century Prophets." It was taught by Dr. Dale Manor. I didn't really know anything about the subject or the instructor when I signed up for the class; I chose it because it was an evening class, freeing up my weekdays, and my best friend and her husband were taking it.
Hosea is like many other books of prophecy in the Old Testament. God's people were led astray, and must be brought back and/or punished. It is a recurring theme throughout the Old Testament.
In Hosea 11, however, God speaks of Israel as a beloved child. The imagery is beautiful, and heartbreaking, and convicting. It is directed specifically at Israel, but I can imagine that God feels the same about each and every one of us, every one of His children who stray.
Hosea 11
1 "When Israel was a child, I loved him,
and out of Egypt I called my son.
2 But the more I called Israel,
the further they went from me.
They sacrificed to the Baals
and they burned incense to images.
3 It was I who taught Ephraim to walk,
taking them by the arms;
but they did not realize
it was I who healed them.
4 I led them with cords of human kindness,
with ties of love;
I lifted the yoke from their neck
and bent down to feed them.
5 "Will they not return to Egypt
andwill not Assyria rule over them
because they refuse to repent?
6 Swords will flash in their cities,
will destroy the bars of their gates
and put an end to their plans.
7 My people are determined to turn from me.
Even if they call to the Most High,
he will be no means exalt them.
8 "How can I give you up, Ephraim?
How can I hand you over, Israel?
How can I treat you lke Admah?
How can I make you like Zeboiim?
My heart is changed within me;
all my compassion is aroused.
9 I will not carry out my fierce anger,
nor will I turn and devastate Ephraim.
For I am God, and not man -
the Holy One among you.
I will not come in wrath.
10 They will follow the Lord;
he will roar like a lion.
When he roars,
his children will come trembling from the west.
11 They will come trembling
like birds from Egypt,
like doves from Assyria.
I will settle them in their homes,"
declares the Lord.
At the beginning of the chapter, two specific things are mentioned - sacrificing to Baals and burning incense to images. Even a casual Bible student would know that those two things are specifically forbidden; we are to have no gods except the one true God. We are to worship no other, sacrifice to no other, and revere no other. That much was surely made plain to the Israelites, and yet, time and time again, they fell into the same traps of paganism and idolatry.
"Why do you have to make things so difficult?"
The imagery in verse 3 is so touching and so bittersweet. A loving father, holding chubby toddler hands and gently leading so a beloved child can learn to walk. That same child, scornfully turning away in defiance, not even acknowledging the gifts of the Father. How many times are we like that child? How many times do we refuse to acknowledge God's hand in our lives? We claim our victories as our own, not giving credit to the One who gives us everything.
"Why do you have to make things so difficult?"
God contemplates the destruction of Israel. If His children will turn from him, there will be no forgiveness. And yet, in verse 8, God speaks of His children with yearning. How can I give you up? How can I let you be destroyed? God's compassion for His people changes everything; instead of destroying them, He stays His hand, and leads them to safety and rest.
We are God's children. He loves us, and gave His only Son for us - and yet we frustrate Him to no end. We ignore His dictates. We take credit for His deeds. We tune out His voice. We go against the things He has taught us. We see the way He has prepared for us, and we stubbornly go in the opposite direction.
But God, our Father, shows us infinite grace, infinite compassion, infinite mercy, and infinite love. He has more patience than we can fathom. He knows every part of us, even the sinful thoughts we don't act on, our pettiness, our selfishness, our laziness, and our greed - and he still shows us that grace, compassion, mercy, and love.
"Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name..."
This evening Wendy was trying our patience. She has fully entered toddlerhood, and, during the waking hours, is never still for more than a few seconds at a time. Instead, she is constantly climbing, dancing, falling, stomping, climbing more, throwing, giggling, and running. This has complicated our evening Bible reading. Gone are the days of rocking her while she drowsily drinks the last bottle of the day, her Daddy's deep voice filling her ears with the word of God. No, now we just try to keep her in the same room with us during our reading.
Tonight our reading was interrupted twice because Wendy is fascinated with cups of water. She climbed up onto the couch and grabbed my cup of water, sitting on the end table beside the couch. (In her defense, I was using a Veggie Tales cup.) Lacking the motor control necessary for the task, she tried to take a sip, and instead doused herself, the couch, the end table, and the Kleenex box on the end table. This resulted in tears, a gentle scolding, an explanation of why we don't grab Mommy's cup, and a resumption of the reading.
Not two minutes later, her little hand shot out, grabbed the cup again, and instantly upended it, narrowly missing the digital camera and cell phone I hadn't yet put away. The look on her face was one of shock. The tears were almost instantaneous. And as I reached for her to give her a swat on the bottom and a not-so-gentle scolding, I said, "Why do you have to make things so difficult?"
Indeed.
I have said that to her before, and every time, it makes me think of God, our Father, watching the things we do. He has given us guidelines, blessed our lives with material things, and granted us the pleasure and support of family and friends. I know that there are truly difficult decisions in all of our lives that must be dealt with, but the majority of the decisions are pretty simple. We either do the right thing, or we don't. We either abstain, or we do the wrong thing. That's pretty basic stuff.
When I said that to Wendy, and imagined God saying it to me, over and over every day, I was reminded of Hosea 11. I was fortunate enought to take a Bible class at Harding entitled, "8th Century Prophets." It was taught by Dr. Dale Manor. I didn't really know anything about the subject or the instructor when I signed up for the class; I chose it because it was an evening class, freeing up my weekdays, and my best friend and her husband were taking it.
Hosea is like many other books of prophecy in the Old Testament. God's people were led astray, and must be brought back and/or punished. It is a recurring theme throughout the Old Testament.
In Hosea 11, however, God speaks of Israel as a beloved child. The imagery is beautiful, and heartbreaking, and convicting. It is directed specifically at Israel, but I can imagine that God feels the same about each and every one of us, every one of His children who stray.
Hosea 11
1 "When Israel was a child, I loved him,
and out of Egypt I called my son.
2 But the more I called Israel,
the further they went from me.
They sacrificed to the Baals
and they burned incense to images.
3 It was I who taught Ephraim to walk,
taking them by the arms;
but they did not realize
it was I who healed them.
4 I led them with cords of human kindness,
with ties of love;
I lifted the yoke from their neck
and bent down to feed them.
5 "Will they not return to Egypt
andwill not Assyria rule over them
because they refuse to repent?
6 Swords will flash in their cities,
will destroy the bars of their gates
and put an end to their plans.
7 My people are determined to turn from me.
Even if they call to the Most High,
he will be no means exalt them.
8 "How can I give you up, Ephraim?
How can I hand you over, Israel?
How can I treat you lke Admah?
How can I make you like Zeboiim?
My heart is changed within me;
all my compassion is aroused.
9 I will not carry out my fierce anger,
nor will I turn and devastate Ephraim.
For I am God, and not man -
the Holy One among you.
I will not come in wrath.
10 They will follow the Lord;
he will roar like a lion.
When he roars,
his children will come trembling from the west.
11 They will come trembling
like birds from Egypt,
like doves from Assyria.
I will settle them in their homes,"
declares the Lord.
At the beginning of the chapter, two specific things are mentioned - sacrificing to Baals and burning incense to images. Even a casual Bible student would know that those two things are specifically forbidden; we are to have no gods except the one true God. We are to worship no other, sacrifice to no other, and revere no other. That much was surely made plain to the Israelites, and yet, time and time again, they fell into the same traps of paganism and idolatry.
"Why do you have to make things so difficult?"
The imagery in verse 3 is so touching and so bittersweet. A loving father, holding chubby toddler hands and gently leading so a beloved child can learn to walk. That same child, scornfully turning away in defiance, not even acknowledging the gifts of the Father. How many times are we like that child? How many times do we refuse to acknowledge God's hand in our lives? We claim our victories as our own, not giving credit to the One who gives us everything.
"Why do you have to make things so difficult?"
God contemplates the destruction of Israel. If His children will turn from him, there will be no forgiveness. And yet, in verse 8, God speaks of His children with yearning. How can I give you up? How can I let you be destroyed? God's compassion for His people changes everything; instead of destroying them, He stays His hand, and leads them to safety and rest.
We are God's children. He loves us, and gave His only Son for us - and yet we frustrate Him to no end. We ignore His dictates. We take credit for His deeds. We tune out His voice. We go against the things He has taught us. We see the way He has prepared for us, and we stubbornly go in the opposite direction.
But God, our Father, shows us infinite grace, infinite compassion, infinite mercy, and infinite love. He has more patience than we can fathom. He knows every part of us, even the sinful thoughts we don't act on, our pettiness, our selfishness, our laziness, and our greed - and he still shows us that grace, compassion, mercy, and love.
"Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name..."
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